21 January 2021 Call-In

Dear Stefan,

I am a man in my mid-30s, married, and have three children. I have been a listener of about 4 years. Listening to your show has been a tremendous help in my life. Recently I have been pondering over an issue in my life, which I was hoping you could help me find some answers.

I suffer from compulsive behavior. I wouldn’t classify it as OCD per se, but I bite my nails, pick hairs off my beard, and do other similar things. I engage in this behavior especially when stressed. The roots are in my childhood, because I cannot remember when was the last time I had normal length nails. Trying to just quit hasn’t been successful as it happens without me being conscious of it. Although it hasn’t had a significant impact on my life or my relationships, uncovering the origin may help me relieve my general anxiety and depression.

I come from a middle class family, and although I never faced physical abuse, I did suffer from neglect, some verbal abuse, and most importantly, a non-existent relationship to my father. As long as I remember, I have had a difficult time fitting in. I have always been quite a creative person, but have never been encouraged to pursue those aspects of my personality, quite the opposite in fact.

My suspicion is that my compulsive behavior is somehow linked to my experiences of not fitting in, and being punished for standing out. As you say, the tall poppy gets cut. And the protruding nail gets bitten. I would really appreciate it if you could help me explore this, and maybe find some further clues.

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